I did a lot of research in writing The Skinny on the Art of Persuasion: How to Move Minds.

One of my takeaways from all the research is the importance of keeping still – training yourself to watch and listen to the person across the table, the person you are trying to persuade.

With time you can develop your senses to pick up on both verbal and non-verbal clues. If you want to learn more about reading body language, I recommend The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease (Bantam, 2006).

But, even without these skills, you can increase your persuasiveness exponentially if you just learn to be a good listener.

Either consciously or unconsciously, most people will tell you what’s on their mind – if you let them! A person who can control his/her instinct to talk and really, really listen will maximize his/her chances for a successful persuasion.

Listening should be so darn easy. But, many of us have trouble with it. Some of us are uncomfortable with silence (gaps in the conversation). Others among us spend too much energy thinking about what we are going to say when it’s our turn to speak – instead of listening with every fiber in our bodies to what the other person is saying. As a result, far too many of us miss opportunities to consummate a successful persuasion.

“Unfortunately, few people are good listeners. Even at the purely informational level, researchers claim that 75% of oral communication is ignored, misunderstood or quickly forgotten. Rarer still is the ability to listen for the deepest meanings in what people say. How devastating, but how common, to talk with someone about subjects of intense interest to oneself only to experience the stifling realization that the other person was not really listening….”

People Skills, Robert Bolton (Touchstone Books, 1979)

Great persuaders are great listeners. If you want to get into someone’s head, sometimes all you have to do is follow the trail established by the words and signals coming from the other person.

Jim Randel is the founder of The Skinny On book series – what many people are calling “unique reading experiences.” The Skinny on Networking will be available in July 2010.