Sometimes we can be tone deaf – we just don’t hear ourselves the way others do.

Recently I was representing the buyer of a building. The seller could not tell my client and me enough times that he really did not care if the building sold or not.

Seller: “I’m happy to hold for ten more years if I don’t get my price.”

And yet all the facts indicated otherwise:

#1 The building was on the market with a major brokerage company – the seller had invested time and energy negotiating a commission agreement with the broker.

#2 The building was being heavily marketed which meant to me that the broker knew the seller’s real number – and that number was realistic given market conditions. Otherwise why would the broker invest a lot of time?

#3 There were several vacancies in the building. The seller’s cash flow could not be nearly what he hoped for.

And yet the seller kept telling us he did not care if he sold – right up to the point where he sold to my client at a very low price.

My point is this – if you want to convince somebody of something, figure that they are as smart or smarter than you are. Try to avoid direct and obvious persuasive tactics. Consider the oblique.

In my example, the seller would have created much greater buyer uncertainty (my buyer wanted the building) if he had tried one of these statements:

“Shame on me for not doing a better job keeping this building leased – I have an offer from a young, aggressive leasing company that I should probably review.”

“Fortunately I have little debt on the property.”

“I’m a little embarrassed that I have not paid more attention to this property. I’ve been distracted of late with family issues that are fortunately now resolved.”

Now, why are my suggestions an improvement? First, people are smart. Just like the Queen remarked in Hamlet – “the lady does protest too much, methinks” – when someone keeps telling us something, we begin to think he is covering the truth. Second, people believe something when it is the result of their own analysis. A seller telling me his position is less powerful than him leading me to reach that conclusion on my own (e.g., little debt means no pressure to sell). Finally, people resist the hard sell. Gentle, indirect, subliminal – that’s the way to persuade.

Jim Randel is the founder of The Skinny On book series. His latest book, The Skinny on Success: Why Not You? has been endorsed by a wide-range of business executives.