Last week I had breakfast with an attorney friend of mine. He was furious and he wanted to talk. A client that he had represented for many years had recently hired another law firm in the place of my friend’s. When I asked for an explanation, he believed it was because he had not returned the ex-client’s phone calls quite as quickly as his ex-client had expected.

“I killed for this guy in the past,” he said, “and this is how he shows his loyalty?”

I actually know the man he is referring to and he is right … the guy is very demanding. And, I sympathized with my friend. The same thing has happened to me and it is painful. Still, I had to tell him the truth.

“You’re right, the guy is tough. But he is paying the bills and so he can do what he wants.”

Not what the guy wanted to hear. By the end of breakfast, however, he had calmed down.

The point I wanted to make, although I should have done it in a more empathetic manner, was that it was not the former client he should be upset with, but himself. If he chose not to return calls as quickly as his client wanted, well that was a decision he had made. Perhaps he never contemplated that his client would “fire” him but the impetus for the client’s dissatisfaction was still my friend’s action/inaction.

There will be times, of course, when no matter what you do, you can not please some people. And while it is easy to write these people off as the problem, the truth is that most everything that happens to you, is about you.

Taking responsibility for all that happens to us is not easy. Certainly there are some events which are bad luck, circumstances totally beyond our control. But, most of what happens is the result of our own creation – for better or for worse.

The good news is that we have the power to create our lives. To decide what we want them to look like, and again within the circumference of good or bad fortune, to sculpt the life we desire.

My attorney friend has now had a few days to reflect on his client’s “treachery.” The good news is that he rebounded quickly and is now speaking with a big new client who may be hiring his firm.

By the way, I am well aware that my suggestion to look in the mirror and not point fingers is easier said than done. I don’t claim to be an expert – I just try hard!

Jim Randel is the author of The Skinny on Willpower as well as of the soon-to-be released The Skinny on Success: Why Not You?