In researching my next book, The Skinny on Moving Minds: Mastering the Art of Persuasion, I have read everything I could find on the subjects of persuasion and influence. None of these books or articles touch on a subject that I think is critical: knowing when to stop talking!

Almost all of us love the sound of our own voices. What’s more, we all have some fundamental need to be heard. And I am OK with that of course. The point I want to make, however, is that if you want to sharpen your skills at persuasion, you must know when to stop talking.

Recently I have thought back on the best persuaders I know … and, some of the worst. One of the consistent threads in the great persuaders is that they learn to create several beats between thought and speech. They can actually hear what they are going to say before they say it, and thus have a few seconds to consider the potential impact.

These several beats can make the difference between a great and a terrible effort at persuasion. People who do not create their own thought-speech firewall will make oral mistakes. We all get caught up in the moment. Excited by a presentation that is going well. Or agitated if it’s not going so well. As a result, our emotions take over. Our pace of speech picks up and any self-censoring goes out the window. Sometimes we say really really dumb stuff.

Not long ago I was the broker for the owner of an office building. I had procured a good-sized tenant for his building. We were coming close to a deal, and the owner wanted to have a meeting with the CEO of the prospective tenant. So (against my wishes) a meeting occurred: owner, CEO, the broker for the tenant and me.

Why was I against the meeting? Because things were moving along nicely with all parties in remote locations. I also knew that the owner loved to talk.

OK, fast forward to the meeting:

1. Small talk
2. My client proposing solutions to the 3 small remaining open items.
3. CEO agreeing.

“Great,” I said to myself, “time to end the meeting.”

But, NOOOOOO, my client was on a roll. Why stop now? And so he starts blabbing … kind of a verbal doodling. Within minutes he starts explaining how he resolved a parking issue that the CEO had never considered a problem in the first place. As a result she became concerned about parking. Before you know it, the deal (and my large commission) is in jeopardy.

Fortunately, with 3 more weeks of work, the deal was saved – but by a hair. Talking is good, knowing when to stop talking is better. Randel… out.